Etiquette

Say "I Do" to Etiquette

Practicing proper etiquette makes it easier to negotiate some of the stickier details of a wedding. Always remember that the goal is to make guests and members of the wedding party feel welcome. Following are answers to frequently asked questions.

Q. My fianc? is close to both of his brothers. How does he decide which one will be his best man?
A. Age is usually the determining factor. The older brother can be his best man; include the younger as an usher. If this creates too many hard feelings, the groom may ask his best friend, your brother, or even his father to do the honors.

Q. How do I address invitations to couples who are living together but unmarried? Does each of them get a separate invitation?
A. Write her name on the top line, his name on the next line, then their common address.

Q. I want to have the photographer take pictures during the ceremony, but my mother insists this is in bad taste.
A. Most clergy members or religious centers have rules regarding this. Be sure they agree to the taking of photographs during the ceremony. One caution: Depending on the location and the photographer, this can be distracting. Consider having your photographs taken at the altar before the ceremony.

Q. Who stands with us in the receiving line?
A. For traditional receptions, only the mothers, the bride and groom, the bride's honor attendant, and the bridesmaids (optional) stand in line. If the wedding is quite formal, fathers may stand in the receiving line beside their wives. The groom's attendants, ushers, and child attendants never join in the receiving line.
The bride's mother is first in line to act as hostess. The groom's mother is next in line. Bridesmaids may stand on each side of the bride and groom or to one side.

Q. We're planning a small wedding with only immediate family as guests. How do we tell the rest of our family and friends that we married?
A. Send announcements a day or so after the wedding. The form is similar to a wedding invitation, except that it skips the church address and the time the ceremony takes place.

Q. Who should make toasts at the reception?
A. The best man always proposes the first toast to the happiness of the bride and groom. The groom then stands, thanks everyone, and proposes a toast to his bride. He may also offer toasts to the best man, his new in-laws, and his parents. The bride, mothers, and bridesmaids need not offer toasts unless they feel compelled to do so.
Toasting usually occurs after the reception line has broken up and everyone has been served a drink. Toasts are sometimes made after the first dance.

Q. Traditionally, who dances with whom at the wedding reception?
A. The bride and groom take the floor for the first dance. The bride then dances with her father while the groom dances with his mother-in-law. The bride's parents then dance together while the bride is led by her father-in-law and the groom dances with his mother.